Spicy Food

A Silly Story

Credits to DALL·E

During my sophomore year of college, some friends and I went on a backpacking trip around Europe. One of the stops we made was in the beautiful city of Kraków in Poland. It was around noon and my friend, Lucjean, and I were taking in the sights when we walked by a gyro restaurant. We walked in and decided to place our order.

“I’d like chicken gyro, please” I said to the cashier.

“Would you like spicy sauce with that?” They asked.

“Yes, please” I replied.

“How spicy would you like it on a scale from 1-10?” They followed up.

“10!” I firmly responded.

They were taken aback for a moment and said, “Are you sure? that will be really spicy.”

“Yes! I want the challenge.” I replied.

And so they took my money and put in the order. Lucjean and I sat down while we waited for my order. He didn’t order anything as he wasn’t hungry. In a concerned tone, he then asked.

“Are you sure you want to get something that spicy?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” I responded. “I love eating spicy food! I love the feeling of my tongue being on fire! I love the challenge of maintaining my cool even amidst the pain of the heat.”

“Alright, if you say so.” He said. He seemed at ease after hearing my words.

“Order for Jay!” yelled one of the staff members. I used Jay as my nickname whenever I ordered food as Aditya was always a hassle for me to spell out to the staff.

I walked up and picked up my extra spicy chicken gyro. The red hot sauce gleamed as though it was already on fire. With a smile on my face I walked back to the table where Lucjean was.

Before taking a bite, I decided to smell the gyro before biting in so I took a deep whiff. “Whew! It smells so spicy that it’s going to singe off my nose hairs.” I said with an expectant smile.

Lucjean seemed less concerned now and more so amused.

And so, with much mental fanfare, I took the first bite!

I immediately felt my tongue burst into flames. I chewed and swallowed that first bite as best as I could. The chewed up food traveled down my throat like an army engaging in a scorched earth strategy.

“I’m gonna get something to drink.” I said as calmly as I could to Lucjean, as I got up to get some orange soda. I waited impatiently at the counter as the employee took their sweet time getting some soda.

“Here’s your orange soda,” said the employee as they handed it to me. I then quickly paid them and started chugging. Unfortunately, it was to no avail as the discomfort seemed to only increase.

I then sat back down with Lucjean and eyed the gyro. “Should I really eat more of this?” I thought to myself. Feeling bad about wasting food, I decided to take a few more bites.

I immediately regretted that decision and then decided to throw the rest away.

At this point, Lucjean was starting to realize something was off. “Is everything okay?” He asked kindly. “Yeah, everything is fine. It was just a little spicier than I thought it would be. But that’s okay, I can just walk it off.”

We started walking around outside and I tried my best to play the role of a normal tourist. Unfortunately, the feeling of a hot coal at the center of my sternum was making it hard to keep up that act.

After a few minutes of walking, I had a new idea. “Hey Lucjean, how about we stop by this convenience store? I think getting a yogurt drink will help my stomach feel better.” He happily obliged and we walked in, got the drink, and came back out. Once again, I immediately started chugging.

Interestingly, the yogurt drink seemed to actually have the opposite of the intended effect. Not only did it exacerbate the searing pain in my stomach and chest, it actually gave me this sudden urge to poop.

“Hey Lucjean, yeah this actually made me feel more sick, I think I need to use the bathroom,” I said. Lucjean was getting more and more worried and was happy to just follow along and help me get whatever I needed.

As we kept walking, I noticed I gradually started walking slower and slower until I finally stood still. And then I noticed I sat right down on the middle of the sidewalk. Then that turned into me lying down on the sidewalk. At this point, passerbys were starting to notice and look a bit uncomfortable.

To make matters worse, in order to relieve the pressure I felt on my stomach, I even unbuckled my pants loosened them a bit. “Okay, what’s going on, should I call for help?” said Lucjean. He was starting to look more and more worried.

“Don’t worry, I just need to rest a little, I’m totally fine,” I said. After that, a moment later, I puked on the sidewalk.

At this point, a concerned bystander walked up to us, “What’s going on, is he okay?” he asked Lucjean. “He ate some really spicy food and now he’s really sick,” said Lucjean.

The bystander then kneeled beside me and said, “I’m going to call you an ambulance!” I suddenly got really worried and said, “No, please don’t call an ambulance! I can’t afford that.” With a smile on his face, the bystander said, “Don’t worry, we’re not in America. We have free healthcare here in Poland.” He then made the call.

After some time had passed from me puking, I started to feel better. A few moments later, the ambulance arrived and managed to stand up and walk into the vehicle. The stern healthcare worker then looked at me and asked, “What’s going on?”

“I ate some really spicy food and it made me really sick,” I explained.

“Have you been doing any drugs?” the worker followed up.

“No, not at all,” I answered a bit awkwardly.

“Oh, in that case, just drink lots of water and you’ll be fine,” he replied.

Then he let me off the ambulance with a water bottle and no fee! I let Lucjean know what happened and he looked relieved. I wanted to thank the kind passerby but he had already left at that point.

I drank lots of water for the rest of that day and I’m grateful the pain gradually faded over time.

After that experience, I definitely learned my lesson: Next time I’m at a gyro shop, instead of getting the 10 out of 10 spice level, I’ll make sure to go for the safer option of 9 out of 10 instead 😉.